Steps

Every step along the way, I've been catching myself saying, "I can't believe I'm doing this," or "this doesn't seem real." I said it as I landed in a frozen Finland in January, there as a non- degree student who didn't even know if she would be accepted to the full program. I said it when I got the acceptance and started planning the move and  working 60 hours a week to make sure I had enough money. Two months into it and I couldn't believe I'd been keeping it up and not collapsed. Three and half months later, I walked out of my job for good. Turned in my corporate cell phone and badge. And I'm on a plane in two days. I've mostly figured out how to shove my life into two checked bags and a carry-on. And two pet carriers.

It's not that it doesn't feel real or I can't believe I'm doing this. It's in my face and I have no choice. I've switched to "I can't wait to do this," "I can't wait to see what's next." It's all a lot, but what isn't when you step outside of your comfort zone? What great thing do you expect to do playing it safe? For too long, I was ok with playing it safe. You deal with enough shit on a regular basis as a black person, here or anywhere else. But what else was I doing? Besides being miserable?

So in two days, me and my cats are moving halfway around the world to get a master's degree and whatever else happens in between and after, I'm gonna roll with it. My suitcases are full and I keep checking things, but I'm sure I'll be forgetting something. I've never done anything like this.